you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
