WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
