i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
