Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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