mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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