the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
