Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
