i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
