wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
