guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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