How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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