Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
