please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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