If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
