i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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