Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Verdict: uncircumcised.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
