I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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