She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
