Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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