So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
