"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
