just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
