MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
