I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
