Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
