Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
