Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
