How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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