Swine flu. Run for my life!
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
