Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
