His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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