i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
