apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
