He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
