oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
stop calling my apartment porn island.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
