I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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