One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
