a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
