Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
