Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
