I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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