8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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