jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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