I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
