Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
