Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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