Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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