Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
