WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
