So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
