the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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