I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
