he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
