can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize