I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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