if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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