And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
