Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
