If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
