remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
