I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize