i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
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