Screwed.edu
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
