I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
