mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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