I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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