Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
