Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize