I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
