Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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