Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
