Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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